honeysuckle23's Blog

Let me start by saying a year ago my oldest son , his wife and 3 kids, my grandchildren had to move in with my mom that lives next door. I'm sure alot of families have had to move in with relatives these days or be homeless.
My mom is a "clean freak" not a bad thing when you live alone, thats her thing. She has lived alone for 10 years since my dad died and has her own ways. I remember when I divorced my first husband in 86 and came home with my 2 year old son I felt the same way that my son is feeling now.
I couldn't do anything right, she wasn't happy I was there, it changed her way of life. She did try to take control of my son at the time. We had a strained relationship, she accused me of being a bad mom. I guess when you see things on the outside everything seems different to that person than you yourself see.

Yes my mom lives in a very old mobile home but well kept and since my son and family moved in they have damaged alot of things, or old things just couldn't take it and my mom has spent alot of money fixing the things they have broke. I understand both sides of the fence on this one, because this family used to live with me and it was very stressful and I'm the kind of person that just likes peace and quiet and me time. (which I haven't had in a few years).

So besides dealing with my younger son and addiction and court problems, not to mention things I end up getting involved with by trying to protect my family because of his problems and shady people coming by that I have to stand up to and possibly put myself in danger. I will do anything I have to when it comes to family. Unfortunately, I was always the protecter of my kids, thanks to my dad that always protected me and I'm proud to say that I'm his daughter and I have his values when it comes to not backing down.
This doesn't make my life any easier...........

So what I'm getting too is, my oldest son called me and was upset because in this weak economy and being unemployed for 3 years he has had an oppurtunity, an interview with 2 different jobs. One would be great, mechanics, he took them in school and he's good, he keeps my old car running. The problem is when he  mentioned it to my mom she went ballistic. Now I can understand why, who's gonna watch the kids? Both her and I take care of them now. I drive my oldest grandson to school and she picks him up.
The mom works daily and even when she isn't she doesn't spend time with her family, but more with her mom and stepdad that she doesn't get along with unless money is involved. Her youngest child, 1 is left behind and doesn't really know what mama means, he calls everything mama. My mom is raising him like I raised the oldest.
My son is berated for not being able to have rent on time and is told to get a job, and when he is able to get blessed enough with the oppurtunity he is shot down and is afraid to even try. Now he has two offers and I so think he needs to get into the  mechanic because thats where his talent is instead of working in a retail store.

The deal was, when my husband passed because of his illness, my mom would move in with me and they would buy the house from her to help pay the mortgage here while she lives here. Now I don't know if we would mesh so well, her being the clean freak, and me the clutter bug but without this I couldn't keep this house or even have a home to live in. My mortgage is under $400, at a fixed rate of 3%.  My mom and I talked and thought this would work in helping my son and his family have their own home, our grandkids would be in a safe place, well, a place they consider their home because we always had them to begin with. I think they need stability after living in 14 different homes.

Not only am I dealing with people from my younger sons problems I told my oldest to go for the job interview and we'll deal with what comes later. This job would be a morning job which would make life easier so he could take the kids at night. So I put myself in the position of volunteering to give up my life again to take care of kids so he can get a job. No, I didn't want this responsibility but in this day and age, family needs to help family.  I truly don't know if I can handle it, we have a very small family and no outside help with this. I would expect a little compensation for gas and meals, I just want my son to feel good about himself again. To be able to provide for his family because his wife is doing it all and she would always rather work than spend time with her kids. These kids tend to lean on us, the grandparents, and my son has always taken care of them and sat at home while she went to parties and events, doing what she wants while her kids stay with dad.

Bad move on my part? I don't know, I'm still taking care of a sick husband that I can't stand to watch suffer and wither away, I'm dealing with a son that constantly is in trouble and has court coming up but is trying to make new friends and get away from the old, which some of the old don't want him to get away.
Can I do this?  I don't know, I just want whats best for my kids, grown or not.  I have been stuck in between everybody because I see and understand both sides, I've been there and done that...........I'm tired and worn out and don't see too much happiness in my future, but I have to help, its what I do.

I don't blame my mom for being upset, she should be enjoying her life also, its all confusing. How do you survive these days and everyone gets a little piece of happiness without the family resenting each other?

I don't blame my son for being upset, but I also wish they as a couple could take other people in consideration and learn how to manage their life and still be able to take care of their kids. Like I said, the mom put work over her kids, she always has. She would always get rid of them somehow, could never spend time with them alone, unless she took them to her moms house.
I just want whats good for everyone, mostly my grandkids, they deserve a good life..........its just unfortunate that everyone else has to give up something for it to happen. I raised my kids without help, as did my mom............but I guess those days are gone when kids have kids and they can't figure out how to raise them on their own. I applaud those that can...........

This is what I had to write, I have so much frustration and anger building inside of me. I don't like how I feel anymore, about things, about myself, about how I react to things.........I'm trying to remain true to myself but it is so hard with all that is happening in my life. I just want some peace........

I pray and pray for the Lord to guide me and His will be done in my life. I know someday I will get an answer to this..............so many more people suffer and have problems that mine can't compare to, so I give God thanks for staying with me and being my Rock. I might falter at times and wanna give up, but I always find my way back to my creater.  without Him I can not survive, I give Him all the glory that I am still here and still remain strong through my (hell) on earth.  For what He does for me, I must prove to Him that I won't give up.  My rewards will be in Heaven :)  This I must look towards and this is my goal.

God Bless those that read this and understand.